Ridiculousness and Gratitude

The last couple of days I’ve noticed that my biggest tendency to binge is between 3 and 5, and again between 7 and 9 (or so). I can knock out the first one: just come home, wash my lunch dishes, change and work out. By the time I finish working out and shower, it’s already close to 7. Then I can eat dinner, wash up and (knowing me) head upstairs to read until I go to bed. Except that somewhere in there I have to remember to check my e-mail for auditions and stuff. And it’s this damn computer that kills me. I get settled in, and suddenly nothing will do but that I have something to eat while I sit there. I finally got out of the habit of eating in front of the TV by learning to knit; it kept my hands busy, so I wasn’t munching constantly. But on the computer I need to type! It’s a little hard to knit and type at the same time. Strangely though, it’s not at all hard to eat and type at the same time. I still haven’t figured that one out. :P

I should probably just set myself a limit. I get sucked into this computer and my internal monologue goes like this: Oh, I’ll just check my e-mail for auditions. Oh, I should also update my blog. Hey look, someone e-mailed me on that dating site (even though it says that I’m really busy right now and am just hanging out to talk to friends that I know), so I should check that. While I’m on it, I wonder if my friends have posted in the forums at all. Oh, I have to check My Space; it’s a pretty good networking tool for actors. I wonder if anyone responded to my question in the Weight Watchers boards? I’ll check that, too. Hmmm . . . now that it’s so late, I might as well play a couple of games of solitaire. It’s so relaxing (ha!). And then I look up and realize that I’ve spent 2 hours on the goddamn computer!!! A friend of mine once referred to her TV as “that great pirate of my time,” and that’s how I feel about this computer. (Well, not THIS one. I update this blog on my breaks at work, so it doesn’t count.) And 2 hours of sitting on my ass usually means that I think I have to eat at the same time. For fuck’s sake . . .

So I’ll be working on that the next few days . . . In other news . . .

On the way in to work today, there was an accident. Now, I live in Los Angeles. And every time I pass an accident, I try really hard not to look. I figure it’s none of my business and besides, if I were bleeding out my eyeballs in the middle of the road, the last thing I’d want would be people leaning out of their cars, staring at me. Get a life, for God’s sake. HOWEVER . . . this accident was on the other side of the freeway, with all 3 right lanes closed. There is a freeway onramp right there, and at the top, on the surface street, the onramp was totally blocked by the back of a semi trailer. I say “back” because the front of the truck was HANGING OVER THE SIDE OF THE ONRAMP – DANGLING OVER THE FREEWAY. Actually, I shouldn’t say that. It couldn’t really dangle, because half the front had come OFF and was spread across the 3 right lanes of the freeway itself. The other half of the front was still attached to the truck, although it looked ready to break free and fall any minute. The ambulance had already come and gone and the police and firepeople were standing around, trying to direct traffic and contemplating the mess above/beside/around them.

I have to say, I looked. (Hello, Pot? My name is Kettle.) Actually, I let out an involuntary, “Jesus Christ!” and STARED. And I have to say, I prayed for the driver of that truck. I don’t pray often, but I prayed for that person. And I’ll be praying tonight.

In that light, worrying about what I might or might not eat tonight seems more than a little ridiculous. Seems like maybe I ought to just be grateful that I get to go home alive and in one piece. So I’m grateful. And still praying.