Chaos reigns

I haven’t felt like writing the last few days. Things have been not just busy, but totally chaotic. Last night I think 90% of the chaos finally resolved, but I’ve been so stressed out and anxious that when I realized it’s mostly (almost) over, I just felt sick. Does that make sense? When you’re busy as hell, and you know you’re tired and stressed and overworked, but the busy-ness just keeps coming and you HAVE to deal with it. So you push yourself and push yourself and push yourself, and finally, when it’s all over you go to bed thinking, “Thank God, I made it.” But sometime in the night your body says, “You need REST, bitch!” and the next morning you’re sick as a dog.

Today I feel sick as a dog. I don’t actually have a virus or anything as far as I can tell, but my stomach is upset, my head aches and I’m just generally exhausted. :P FOOD even sounds gross, and lemme tell ya, if I don’t want to eat, I’m in a bad way! LOL

See, I’ve been staying with my grandma for the last year. They have a huge house, but they also have 10 kids, so it’s usually a full house. It’s a rare weekend when someone isn’t visiting. I had actually found someplace new to live (in Brentwood, which is a nice area), so when termites invaded the room I’d been staying in, I just moved my stuff up to my grandma’s room (temporarily, I thought). (Grandma’s sick and can’t climb stairs, so the kids converted the living room into a bedroom for her – she hates it, as you can imagine, and I think they’re going to move her upstairs again at the urging of hospice. Thank God.) Three months later, I’m still in Grandma’s room, and the room I was supposed to rent is still not ready. The guy wanted to fix it up: new paint, new carpet, add some shelves, etc. That was cool with me, but I didn’t figure it would take longer than 6 weeks at the outside, since he had a couple of guys working for him. Well, as of last Saturday, the room has been painted. Period. The rest of the house looks great: repainted, cleaned out, new curtains, etc. But the room I’m supposed to rent? Not ready.

So over the weekend I started looking again. I didn’t really want to pay more than $350, simply because I’m trying to pay off some credit cards and on top of that, the business end of acting is expensive (pictures, envelopes, postage to mail them out, etc.). I’d also like to be able to take an acting class or two, and the cheap ones run about $200 a month. So I figured if I kept my rent low, I could get the other stuff done without freaking out about how I was going to make rent. In the last week I’ve seen several places, ranging from a really nice house in a crack-den part of town to a relatively safe neighborhood with a creepy homeowner (with whom I’d be sharing a bathroom). It’s been crazy; some days I’ve gotten off work and seen 2 or 3 places afterward.

On top of that, I’m trying like hell to get my headshots mailed out to agencies, so I can get an agent. It’s been completely chaotic.

The other night I was talking to my dad though, and we started talking about the possibility of staying in Grandma’s house and paying rent for one of the nicer rooms upstairs. I’d have a nice room, a private bath, space in the kitchen, washer / dryer in the house, all that jazz. It’s a beautiful neighborhood, with shopping and restaurants nearby. So I think I’m going to do that. I’ll pay them $300 a month, and although the downside is that I’m still in Grandma’s house, the upside is all of the above. I don’t think I’m going to find anything this nice for $300, and the family needs the money (medical bills), so it’ll work out well for everyone.

And once I get my agent, I’m working to get a national commercial before Christmas. At that point, I’ll move out but I’ll be able to afford my own apartment. It might just be a studio, but it’ll be my own space! I can’t wait for that. ::::wistful sigh:::: (I used to have a townhouse in San Diego, and although the rent was high enough that I was always stressed about how I was going to afford groceries, it was SO nice to have my own space; I miss it a LOT. I even liked living by myself.)

So it has been really chaotic, but it looks like it’s finally going to start calming down. Whew. Now I just have to not get sick from the emotional letdown.