Always meet them for coffee first

Busy and stressed and tired. Story of my life lately. Even when I’m excited about stuff I’m busy and stressed and tired! What is THAT about?? LOL

I didn’t go in to work on Saturday morning like I was supposed to; I had a date the night before that ran late, and between that and the all-nighter I pulled last Wednesday, I was beat. I didn’t even wake up till 11, and usually I’m awake by 7:30, even on the weekends, and even without an alarm. :P So I went in to work for a few hours on Sunday and made it up that way. ::::sigh::::

In other news, I met a really cool guy off one of those dating sites. Hard to believe I know, but true! Ha! He lives about 40 minutes away from me, which I didn’t realize at the time we started talking though, and I do wish we lived closer. Once a week is about all we’re ever going to see each other unless he’s willing to drive to me during the week. Weekends we can switch off, but during the week I just don’t have time to make the drive. :P So we’ll see how it goes. He’s a good guy, and I like talking with him and spending time with him, but a lot of people want to see the person they’re dating more than once a week! LOL

So he and I got together on Friday night, and then I had another date on Saturday night, which didn’t go nearly as well. I actually thought about cancelling the Saturday night date, just because things had gotten a little intense with the Friday night guy, and I’m not someone who enjoys dating multiple guys at once. But I’d made the commitment, and figured I’d go and see how it went.

So this is the story of Saturday Night Guy, and why you should always meet blind dates for coffee first.

Ahem. First off, let me say that now I remember why I don’t date other actors. We are too high-maintenance. I include myself in that; I know I’m a high-maintenance person to date. And I know that 2 high-maintenance people (which means almost all actors) should NOT date each other. But . . . we had talked on the phone a few times, and although he seemed a little intense and hyper, our conversations were good. And I didn’t get any weird, “I’m-a-violent-psycho” vibe, and my “crazy radar” is better than most people’s. He was a little intense and hyper, like I said, but he didn’t seem dangerous.

So I left on Saturday about 6, and as I got on the freeway at 6:15 (I was supposed to meet him at his place between 6:30 and 7), I remembered that I was supposed to call him when I left. Oops. So I called and said I was getting on the freeway and should be there in about 15 minutes. No problem, he says. Sure enough, I call in to his apartment at 6:30 or so, and he’s all flustered. “I didn’t think you’d get here so fast. [I said 15 minutes, right? Right.] I haven’t even showered or anything . . . um, I’ll buzz you in, and if you don’t mind waiting downstairs, I’ll hurry up and get ready.” So he buzzes me in, meets me outside his apartment, and I size him up and figure if he tries anything, I can take him.

I wait downstairs while it takes him 40 minutes to get ready. FORTY minutes. No joke. Now, I’m a girl, and even I can shower, fix my hair and put my makeup on in less than 40 if I have to. And he’s got a shaved head and NO makeup!! WTF takes 40 minutes?? Especially since he was the one that had said, “between 6:30 and 7:00.” By the time he was ready to go, it was almost 7:30! But I wasn’t that worried about it at the time; lord knows I’ve been a pain in the ass like that on occasion, so I shrugged it off. Except that he kept saying, “Don’t be mad. I know you’re mad. Don’t be mad.” I finally told him I wasn’t mad, but that if he kept harping on it I was going to GET mad! LOL

When he finally gets downstairs, he hands me a CD that he just burned for me. Now. First of all, we had already had a conversation on the phone about how I’m just not comfortable accepting things from people I don’t know well. And by “people I don’t know well” I mean “people who are not my family or VERY close friends.” So I’m a little taken aback. Plus, he just burned it. Which means that while I’m waiting downstairs for him to get ready for dinner (and I’m starved, because I haven’t eaten yet), he’s burning a CD!!!! Seriously, if you’re that late, forget the CD. Just get dressed and let’s go! Geez, again. PLUS, burning a CD has always struck me as one of those things that you do for people whose music tastes you know pretty well, when you want to show them that you’ve spent some time thinking about them. It just seemed a little weird for a first meeting. I dunno. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who’s that neurotic about it, but since we’d TALKED about it already, I was kind of weirded out.

So we go to dinner. And the intense hyper-ness that I’d noticed on the phone and thought was just due to nerves or wanting to make a good first impression? SO much worse in person. Plus he kept touching me. Nothing sexual, but much friendlier than a first date. Really, when was the last time you walked to a date’s car on a first date, and he reaches out, puts his arm around you and then hugs you in really close? Not some flirty little hug that says, “Hey, you’re really cute, and I’m glad to meet you,” either. I’m talking a close, tight hug that says, “Hey, I just switched deodorants, bury your face in my armpit and tell me what you think!”

Anyway, the rest of the date pretty much continued along those lines. He said as we went into dinner, “I don’t think you like me,” and I answered, “No, it’s not that; you’re just a little overwhelming in person, and we’re both trying to find our balance.” Maybe that wasn’t the most tactful thing to say, but since what I really wanted to say was, “Get OFF me, for God’s sake!” I thought I showed remarkable restraint! LOL Over dinner he told me (rather dramatically) that I had hurt his feelings when I said he was overwhelming: “I’ve heard that before, but I thought I could be MYSELF with you!” ::::sigh:::: He also interrupted me every few minutes (on the rare occasions that I got a word in edgewise), psychoanalyzed me to death (incorrectly most of the time), and asked me the same questions more than once because he hadn’t listened when I answered them the first 3 times. Grrr.

He finally stopped grabbing me at dinner (after I told him flat out to lay off), although as we left, he made it a point to tell me every 2 minutes, “I’d put my arm around you now, but you said not to.” “I really want to kiss you, but I know you want your space.” “I’d hold your hand, but you said no, so I won’t.” EVERY. TWO. MINUTES. I think he said something along those lines at least 3 times before we even got back to the car.

(He even said, “I know women sometimes think I seem desperate, but I’m not.” LOL Actually though, I don’t think he was desperate; I think he was NEEDY. Desperate will date anyone because they’re afraid to be alone; needy won’t date just anyone, but when they do date someone, they’ll suck the life right out of you because they feel like life has “done them wrong” and they need someone to lean on. That’s been my experience, anyway: desperate = lonely. Needy = victim.)

After dinner we went to his local hang-out and had a drink. I only finished about half my drink, and I didn’t leave it sitting around. Too many alarm bells going off at that point. None that screamed, “Danger! Run!” but a few that quietly chimed, “Be careful . . . something’s not right.” You know that feeling? When something’s just a little . . . off, and you can’t quite put your finger on it, and you can totally rationalize how it’s all in your head?

We got back to his parking complex and got out of the car. I said I had to work the next day (which I did), and said I should probably get going. He was all set to have me up to the apartment, even telling me, “You’re just afraid to make out with me!” WTF? How OLD is this guy? (Mid-forties, just fyi.) Um, no, but it’s late, and I have to get up in 6 hours. (And hey, way to assume, buddy! It’s a first date! How do you know I even KISS on the first date, let alone “make oout???”) Gotta go.

So he swoops in to kiss me goodnight – I don’t move my head away in time, and so WHAM! I get kissed. Now, we’ve all been kissed. There’s a whole rhythm to it. And I think it’s fairly common sense that you don’t go in for that first kiss and immediately shove your tongue into someone’s TONSILS, for God’s sake!! Ew, ew, ew, ew!! Well, I backed off like I’d been hit with a baseball (which was kind of how it felt), and hustled back to my car. As I’m going, he’s calling, “See, you’re just afraid of our chemistry! I know you felt it, too!”

Holy fuck. “I know you felt it, too.” When he said that, it was the first time I actually got a little scared (as opposed to worried or concerned). I think we’ve all met those guys. The guys who you know on some level would wind up raping you and thinking it was consensual. That was TOTALLY the vibe I got off that. And even though I knew I could take him, it’s still not a situation you want to be in to begin with. So I got the hell out of there and thanked God I’d dodged that bullet.

I have to admit that I’m surprised I didn’t pick up on the “crazy” factor faster, though. I’m usually pretty on top of that. That’s what I get for not insisting on meeting for coffee before having a “real date.” If I had met him in person (for coffee), I wouldn’t have gone out with him again (for dinner). ::::sigh::::

So back to my tried-and-true coffee dates (aka “crazy” screenings,) and the guys who don’t like it can bite me. But not literally. LOL

On the other hand, I’ll be seeing FRIDAY night guy again later this week! Woo-hoo!




AMENDMENT:
This whole thing just made me think of that scene in the movie "Tootsie" where Dustin Hoffman is live on air playing the head nurse at a hospital. S/he's talking to Geena Davis about the lecherous doctor on staff who just grabbed Davis, and Hoffman (in a genteel Southern accent) is saying something like, "You know, I'm just going to get every nurse on this floor a cattle prod so they can carry it around and when he tries anything they can just zap him in his you-know-what! [Picks up phone] Hello, operator? Can you get me the listings for farm equipment?"

LOL