When you just dont feel like it

Right about now I am fighting my inner saboteur on EVERYTHING. I didn’t want to throw a load of laundry in, I didn’t want to clean the bathroom, I didn’t want to blog, to submit for auditions, to plan my lunch for tomorrow.

I don’ wanna. ::::sulks::::

But I did all those things. Well, not the lunch, but I’ll do that after I finish this. And I know it’s sabotage and not exhaustion because I got loads of sleep last night. You know all those studies they do about how if you don’t get enough sleep you’re more likely to gain weight, blah, blah, blah? For me there’s something to that, and it goes beyond the idea that if I’m tired I crave simple carbs to keep running (although that’s true, too).

But I also have a theory that if we’re not getting enough sleep, then maybe our psyches aren’t processing all the things they need to process in order to keep us emotionally healthy. And if we’re emotionally unhealthy, then we retain weight in order to stop the chakra leakage (for lack of a less graphic term). All I know is that when I get enough sleep, my problems are WAY easier to handle. From rude phone calls to cleaning the bathroom, life is no big deal, whereas when I don’t have enough sleep everything is overwhelming. All I can do is lay on the couch and watch TV (and sometimes cry).

But that going to bed early, man: that’s TOUGH. There’s always something else to do, “just one more minute” of stuff. Yesterday was the first day I managed to get in bed anywhere NEAR 9:30, and that was 9:45. I was thinking that I would spend 2 weeks on each habit, and add time if I needed to, and I think I’ll be needing a month on the go-to-bed-early thing. Geez. The funny thing is, it seems like it should be the easiest thing to do. ::::sigh:::: But no. Oooooooooooook, then.

Today I am proud of the fact that I did all the stuff I was supposed to do, even though I didn’t feel like it. That’s pretty huge for me, actually.

And I got on the scale this morning, which is the first time since Saturday (those numbers in yesterday’s post were from Saturday), and that’s huge for me: I’m usually on the scale 4 or 5 times a day, so I’m getting better.

And I’m proud that even though I was tired and cranky most of the day (once that saboteur got started), I did NOT beat myself up about my weight. I managed to come through the day feeling ok about myself – not great, but ok.

Man. This enlightenment shit is TOUGH.

LOL